Indecent Proposal.

My sinuses are just being a bitch today. I seriously imagine if one day they will get better and I will feel like a smart person again. For over a year now they've left me feeling like my brain is wrapped in gauze, it's squeezing, and very little can get in and out, and nothing large or of any importance for any length of time. I lose concentration easily, that is, if I get it to begin with, and it makes me so groggy, I just want to close my eyes all the time. I sometimes imagine that the lack of oxygen I am taking in has started to kill my brain cells, and that is why I feel less intelligent by the day. I never remember being THIS unable to concentrate or grasp concepts in undergrad, I know part of it is just being a grad student and the stress involved with that, but the way I feel is not normal. I mean, if the time I WANTED to spend and was willing to spend on being a better student was actually able to be productive time for me, I would be in a much different boat right now. Imagine, if you will, trying to take in complicated philosophical texts and listen and comprehend lectures while you have a head cold. You know how your head feels tight, heavy and makes you want to sleep? Well I feel like that most hours of the day these days.

My thesis proposal is officially due by tomorrow. Is it done? No. Will it be done by tomorrow? No. I don't think that there will be any book thrown at me for it being turned in next week, I've still not heard back from Dr. White, I can only hope that my topic is considered not too broad and worth writing a thesis on. I've written about 4 pages of my proposal (which is to be somewhere between 7-12) so far, very unrevised. There will be no problem with me being able to finish it over the weekend, I just hope that is alright, especially if my topic is not accepted and I need to go at it for another round (oh, God, please no!). I think I might call it a night though. I am tired, my head feels like lead, and it's not like this is getting done tonight anyway.